Bringing My Whole Self to the Book
Finding ease and magic in healing the buried, shameful parts of myself.
3 years ago I started writing a memoir about my hug journeys. I knew I had plenty of material and that it would be easy and quick. I was so serious about it, I hired a book coach to keep me accountable and ensure my book was the best it could be.
What I didn’t know was that she’d be more of a life coach than a book coach. I cried to her about how hard it was. I got angry when she repeated the same advice over and over again - advice I needed because in the throes of my terrible writing I’d forget about it. She held me as the shameful things that I buried deep inside me surfaced.
And, she saw when it was time to walk away and encouraged me to do just that in order to finish healing those deeply buried aspects of myself.
That’s what a brilliant coach does. They lead you to be the best version of yourself. So, I heeded her advice. I walked away. I hired a therapist. I healed the aspects of me that I’d buried.
Turns out it was those very aspects that are the most magical aspects of myself. Without them, the book couldn’t have ever been complete. I could have finished it, sure, but it wouldn’t feel complete even to those who don’t know me because not all of me was in it.
When it was finally time to pick the book back up again, I made a choice. I chose to complete it. I chose to prioritize it. I chose to write for four hours a day/ 5 days a week.
And this book that I’d slaved over in frustration for 2 1/2 years burst forth from those newly healed parts in just one month’s time. I didn’t even have to write for the full 4 hours a day or all 5 days a week. It just flowed in the way I imagined it was going to when I first began writing it.
It’s funny how life works. I wanted this book out sooner, but if it had come out any earlier then it may have taken many more years to discover those magical parts of myself that I regrettably felt ashamed of for most of my life. And, I wouldn’t have the material I need for my second book.